Janet Caliri on Goethe

Written by Janet Caliri

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I liken this quote to my life’s purpose of igniting human potential. It’s not about what they ‘should’ be yet what humans are inherently born to be….with unlimited potential.

Enabling versus encouragement: Do you know the difference? Are you aware when you are treating someone as able verses holding back because you think they ‘cannot’ handle it? Which approach do you think helps another feel empowered? Read on with delight.

On page 41 from my book, Me with Me: In June 2005, I led a workshop in Boston in which I met a lovely woman named Beth. She is a single mother of three girls who is determined to create the best life for them and for herself. Standing beside me at the front of the room, Beth stated that she’d like her oldest daughter to be respectful toward her and her two sisters. Now, I had only known Beth for about an hour, but I already determined that she had a low level of self-respect. I gave her some tough love with these words: “If you desire respect from your daughter and others, you must respect yourself first.” I held her as able to receive a hard pill to swallow. That was her moment, her epiphany, and she took the news quite well. Within the year, she bought a home, renovated the basement for her daughter—who was about to have a baby any day—and, through the home-purchase process, she met a wonderful man who values, respects and cherishes her and her daughters as if they’re his own.  Despite a lurking hurt feeling, I believe intimate relationships are the best groundwork for treating someone as they ought to be. The constant mirroring of that strengthens shared values of honesty, trust and integrity. Furthermore, what I sense within Goethe’s notion is the inevitability of change. Does change have a bad rap? Perhaps to those who are not treating themselves as capable and remain safe in mediocrity.

On page 27 from my book, Me with Me: “Change is inevitable. Change has a bad rap. Discomfort is always present but, without evolution, we as a universal whole would not exist. The level of discomfort I experience is up to me, depending upon how I am being in the change. I have been clever at avoiding changes in my career, living quarters, automobiles, relationships, spiritual practices, eating habits, attitude and health. I resisted change because of the discomfort. It wasn’t the change in and of itself; it was the agony, uneasiness and displeasure I felt that was included with the package. The avoidance caught up with me and manifested in ways I do not care to revisit, but I will…I am. The first step toward change occurred when I looked straight into the mirror and said, ‘Hello, I’d like something different!’ I now look at change as an experiment.”

Seeing change as an experiment creates an ease and flow for living in my potential. Returning to treating others as if they were what they ought to be, I remind them that everything is impermanent (experiment.) This in turn is how I help them to become what they are capable of being.

My lesson is this: holding me as able comes first - I then fill myself up enough to inspire others; To be true to myself by honoring my intuition and looking straight into the red flags; To trust myself enough that when I live in my greatest capability, I am being of service to another; It’s easier to change my mindset or behavior when I am clear on my intention; To acknowledge that I am a fallible human being reminds me that others are too. This cultivates compassion for me and others wherein our capability is revealed and realized once more.