I always perform in a manner consistent with the way I see myself.

Written by Janet Caliri

You cannot perform in a manner inconsistent with the way you see yourself.
- Hillary Ziglar

I'll begin by sharing that most of my writings are in first person to assist the reader in absorbing the words for a greater probability of internalizing the message. Just for fun, "I cannot perform in a manner inconsistent with the way I see myself." In other words, I always perform in a manner consistent with the way I see myself.

I think the word ‘perform' here describes the following; action, being and results. The way I see myself always manifests in the outer world. My results inner and outer are a true reflection of the way I am being, thinking and feeling. This quote is a reminder to tell myself the truth on a regular basis.

If I see myself as confident, then I perform with confidence. I can tell myself that I am a woman of my word yet if I do not believe it; my results show up as breaking my word. For example, at any given moment, I have choice to see who I truly am, yet I have the choice to ignore it, as if it will go away. Thus, I live in a lie ignoring the red flags that are truly my friend, neglecting my greatness and wondering why my performance and results are less than desirable. Even when I am lying to myself, I am seeing myself as that lie, therefore my results show up congruent to that.

I had a client who considered himself perfect at everything. John said he was taught by his parents to just do it, get it done and do it well and that was how he should live his life. He recalls having a healthy childhood with no family drama or past ghosts - everything was perfect so he need not look at himself for subconscious obstacles.  He came to me for coaching to work on his relationship with his fiancé and their miracle child that surprisingly came into this world.  I often observed him pointing the finger at her and hardly looking at himself as part of the ‘problem'.  In conversation one day I asked him if he thought he was controlling and he replied ‘Yes.' I then asked John if he was afraid to be alone and he replied ‘Yes'. Lastly I asked him if he thought he was compassionate with himself and others, he replied ‘No'. His insight was this: In seeing himself as perfect, he uses control as a support mechanism. In seeing himself as someone who ‘cannot' be alone, he went from one fiancé to another yet is creating the same issues. In seeing and believing he is uncompassionate; he performs in a way that lacks compassion for him and others.

So is it true, this idea that I perform consistent only with how I see myself? Let's take a close look. It turns out John does not see himself as perfect, he pretends to see himself as perfect therefore performs in a way that is close to perfect. He does not see himself as compassionate, he does not pretend this, and therefore he is being uncompassionate.  He believes and sees himself as someone who cannot be alone; therefore he performs in a way that is needy and clingy even if it is unhealthy for the relationship.

My life works better the better I know myself and combined with this idea that I cannot perform in a manner that is inconsistent with how I see myself, ought not I indulge in knowing myself better, especially my greatness and begin to believe that, thus see it, consequently performing in that manner? If what I think about, I bring about, then does it not make sense to consistently shine my light? The people I surround myself with are the mirrors that show me my congruency and incongruence - I am well served to use them.